There Comes A Time…

“A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.” – Stewart Alsop

Unfortunately we can’t postpone the inevitable, we’re not super humans for a reason.

Changing Times

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” – Andy Warhol

The actual time on a clock is constantly changing, but really it’s all the same. We, as humans, are the ones who have to make each hour, minute, and second different and distinguishable from the rest.

Deep Pool

“Once the water is deep enough that you must swim to stay afloat, does it really matter how deep the pool is?” – Seth Godin

After you commit to something, no matter how difficult it gets, you can’t pull back, otherwise you’ll find yourself sinking to the bottom of the pool… unless you’re handed a life vest.

The Hoodie Argument

Photo taken from Flickr user: Harlequeen

Geraldo Rivera made the following statements on the show Fox & Friends:

• “I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.”
• “You have to recognize that this whole stylizing yourself as a gangsta – you’re going to be a gangsta wannabe? Well, people are going to perceive you as a menace.”

After his segment on Fox & Friends, he tweeted two other statements:

• “My own son just wrote to say he’s ashamed of my position re hoodies-still I feel parents must do whatever they can to keep their kids safe”
• “Its not blaming the victim Its common sense-look like a gangsta&some armed schmuck will take you at your word”

I never knew that wearing a hoodie and looking like a gangsta were synonymous. Herein lies part of the problem with Geraldo Rivera’s argument. For some reason, Rivera is fixated on the hoodie being a dangerous article of clothing. A hoodie alone, I don’t believe, can be considered responsible for endangering someone’s life. And looking like a gangsta shouldn’t be responsible either, though, it probably would sway someone to look at a person with a much more vigilant eye.

What we wear, that is, our entire attire, and not just one article of clothing, certainly does influence people to form a particular judgment of us. Society as a whole simply does not hold the same opinion of an individual wearing baggy street clothes and of one wearing more formal attire, especially if the former is of a minority group and the latter is white. Sometimes even the same clothes on individuals of different races will formulate different judgments. Whether we like it or not, someone’s outside appearance and race will determine the type of attention, reaction, and treatment they will receive.

What’s important to remember is that clothing should not fabricate, whether positively or negatively, an individual’s character, and, consequently, cannot adequately determine their threat to society. Wearing gangsta-looking clothes does not automatically mean that someone is dangerous, just like wearing a suit, let’s say, does not mean that someone cannot be dangerous; it works both ways. Ultimately, even if someone looks like a gangsta no one should want to shoot them if they’re not being harmed by them.

Having grown up in a community that is primarily made up of African American, Asian, and Latino populations, I have seen and have been one of those stereotypical hoodie-wearing, young, and dark-skinned males. There was a time when I choose to wear clothes far bigger than my actual size because I was influenced by what I saw around me, but not because I was part of that crowd. Eventually I grew out of that phase and started wearing clothes that actually fit. Part of the reason was because I didn’t want to be associated with negative social circles; deep down I knew that outside of my community people would associate me and my clothing choices with being a gangsta. At no point in time, however, did I stop wearing hoodies.

While I do believe that individuals, especially those from minority groups, should choose what they wear carefully in order to not be seen as a threat, at the end of the day clothing choices is not what kills people. Weapons in the hands of ignorant and racist individuals who make lethal and rash decisions based on someone’s appearance, is what kills people.

Do I look like a gangsta?

Costless Compliment

“Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.”
– Kin Hubbard

A compliment should never be given with the anticipation that you’ll get something in return for it. You should choose to give one because you want to, and at no cost to the recipient.

Why Are You Still Single?

Photo taken from Flickr user: Lel4nd

The Question
Why do people, usually a potential date, ask this in the first place?

On the surface, it’s a compliment, I guess, because this person is essentially saying you seem like a good catch, but deep down it’s really a pointless question to ask. The fact remains that people in general, whether young or old, are single at different times in their life. It happens, so instead of asking why, take advantage of someone’s singleness. Also, depending on who it’s coming from, the question might actually be an insult, as in saying “What’s wrong with you, why does no one want to be with you?”

I’ve gotten this question myself quite a few times. The first couple of times I was taken off guard and didn’t exactly know what to answer. But since then I have prepared a safe answer for it, which leads me to…

The Answer
There are an array of reasons why someone could be single, ranging from obvious reasons to it’s better not to know reasons. But really, why would you be single? Obviously you’re not going to put yourself down and disclose your negative characteristics, instead you might say:

1. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
2. “I don’t feel ready for a relationship at the moment.”
3. “I don’t have time for a relationship.”    or
   “I’m way too busy to be in a relationship.”
4. “I’m casually dating multiple people, and don’t want to settle down with one.”
5. “I’m not the dating type.”

But no matter what, I think the universal safe answer for anyone and everyone is: “I just haven’t met the right person yet.”

Perhaps 50% of the time it’s not that we’re not mentally ready or willing to date, it’s simply that we haven’t met someone who we find to be not just a good catch, but also a good match. The other 50%, let’s face it, it’s that we are difficulty, greedy, and picky… or is that just me? I digress.

I think that if we met someone who we like head over heels, and from head to heels, we would probably do everything possible to make it work no matter what, and if the timing is right, then everything should fall into place. In other cases, if there’s any doubt in either our attraction or compatibility to someone, we might make up an excuse for why we can’t keep seeing them or why we can’t be official.

The tricky part in all of this is finding that person who we find worthy of consuming our time, of requiring our attention, and, ultimately, of suffering for. In the meantime, you should avoid asking this question to anyone you’re dating or are trying to date. Just a suggestion…

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

Follow Your Heart

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” – Unknown

Much easier said than done.

Fighting Against Fray

Photo taken from Flickr user: keppet

I find the recent attention on the KONY 2012 campaign quite interesting. On the one hand, we should all be aware of what’s going on in other countries, so might as well take advantage of social media to bring about that awareness. On the other hand, I question the commitment and real intentions of those taking part of such campaigns.

Let me say, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with reposting a link or video online. I think it’s great that people are watching and sharing this issue, after all it may be seen by someone who will want to take non-virtual action, and that would be a step in the right direction. What I don’t think is great is that people will see something and forget about it the next day (not literally) or simply won’t take further action.

Am I disgusted by what’s happening to the children in Uganda? Yes. If I were to repost that video online, would I take any further action besides that? Honestly, probably not. This statement must make me sound careless, but I don’t believe I’m the only one who wouldn’t take further action. I’m confident to think that at least 90% of the people reposting that video online are not taking any further action on the issue.

You should want to be part of something not because it’s the latest viral epidemic, but because it’s truly an issue that you’re interested in. We all have our personal connections to different issues, and we can’t possibly devote time to every single issue in the world. It’s up to everyone to choose the issues that are top priorities for them and devote the appropriate time and attention to them.

Fighting for a cause shouldn’t begin and end with watching a video and/or by reposting a link. It can start that way, but it should definitely not stop there. If you really want to help, get involved by doing the research necessary and by continually asking questions to better educate yourself on the issue; become an advocate for it. As much as we would all like to help make the world a better place, focusing on one link, one bad guy, one organization, and one issue won’t accomplish that. It’s a start, but it takes much more than that.

The Streak Is Broken

Photo taken from Flickr user: bored-now

I was hoping to write about this at a future date with much more attractive results. Unfortunately I can’t, because a streak I had going is officially broken.

Meeting new people at any point in time, whether it’s strangers, friends of friends, or co-workers, is a normal part of life, but to meet romantic interests on the same dates from year to year is a little more rare. For the past two years (2010 and 2011), there have been three specific weekends, the same in both years, in which I have met someone new. They are: 1) the weekend after Valentine’s Day, 2) the weekend of a conference I volunteer for in March, and 3) my birthday weekend in October.

Besides the dates, another similarity from year to year has been the level of involvement with these “romantic interests.” The two guys I’ve met in February I actually ended up dating for a few months, though not exclusively. Nothing really happened with the guys I’ve met in March, besides exchanging contact information. And for the guys from October, we kept in contact for a while but never officially dated.

Going into this year, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to find out whether this streak would continue. I thought it would be a little too coincidental, but nice, if I indeed did meet another three guys on these three weekends. But I also thought that if it didn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world (yet) and it’s not the only times I could meet someone new. I should say that I don’t go out of my way to make these meetings happen, they just kind of happen.

Well, for the third time, I met someone the weekend after Valentine’s Day. It was sort of a last minute date/meet; we’re still currently “talking” and whether we end up dating remains to be seen.

This past weekend I volunteered at the annual conference again, but unfortunately didn’t meet anyone new. Womp womp womp. Ironically, I actually noticed a lot more guys attending the conference this year, than the previous years, that were questionably gay. So really, my odds seemed better, but still nothing happened and that’s ok.

I’m not surprised or bummed out that the streak is broken, since it’s not the only times I can meet someone new. For me, it was just more comical and quaint, and I was interested to see how long I would have this “good luck.” Then again, I’m still single… so meeting those guys couldn’t really have been so much good luck (though I did at least remain friends with two of them). Regardless, I look forward to future meets and dates, and who knows, maybe a new streak will begin.

Hi there! Wasn’t expecting you.

Photo taken from Flickr user: mediafury

So far in my time as a blogger, I have been posting quotes, music related content, and my thoughts on different topics, but nothing really personal. So I thought maybe it was time to share a story of mine.

Back when I wrote Pant-less Public Parade, I said:
“Have you ever been caught without your pants? I have, by accident. But that’s a story for another day…”

Well, the day has come.

I’m not sure if those who read the post thought I was kidding, because I wasn’t. I really have been caught without my pants on. Thankfully though, I was at least wearing underwear.

Allow me to recap.

The guy I dated for most of last year decided to cook for me one time (actually more than once, but I think this was the first time), or should I say cook with me, since I had to help. I honestly thought I would just show up and start eating. I was clearly mistaken. The preparation and process was fairly simple, and the food was delicious! This dinner was on a Saturday night.

This individual had a roommate, who was supposed to be gone for the weekend and was not expected to be back until late Sunday night or possibly Monday. Here I thought, “Perfect!” Sadly, I was, yet again, mistaken.

The following morning (Sunday), I was up early, as I usually am, and couldn’t fall back to sleep. At first, I had an agenda. Once that was completed, someone wanted to go back to sleep, and it wasn’t me. I thought “Fine, I’ll just get up and do the dishes.” There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Are you still keeping track of the number of times I’ve been mistaken? Tally is now at 3.

I get up to go get started with the dishes. Because I thought we would be alone, I didn’t think it was necessary to put anything on. After a second thought, I decided to at least wear underwear. I’m literally not even out there for a minute, before I hear the main door crack open. The small kitchen is practically the center of the whole apartment and is on the way to the roommate’s room. I was frozen on the spot.

Now, I’m not sure if the situation was more embarrassing for me because I hadn’t previously met the roommate and was out there by myself, or if maybe it would have been just as embarrassing had I already met him. Despite that, the roommate was not alone. They had their sister or friend or girlfriend with them. The more the merrier, I suppose. As they walk by me all I could think to say was “Hi. Sorry.” They walk by and kind of just nod but don’t say anything. Needless to say, I did not wash the dishes and instead went back to the bedroom to hide.

I should also mention that this guy had not told his roommate that he’s gay. So, as embarrassing as it was for me, I could eventually leave and get out of there, while this guy still had to address the obvious with his roommate. But from what I heard the roommate had no issues with anything.

In hindsight, this story is much more funny than embarrassing, and it really isn’t that crazy of a story. If I had been naked, then that would have made for a juicier story. Regardless, it was an awkward morning for me. Moral of the story: don’t offer to do the dishes OR make sure to wear more clothing if the person you’re dating has a roommate.