Tag Archive | humor

Jumping Right Up To The 1%

Photo taken from Flickr user: Robert S. Donovan

One individual may find themselves becoming one of the richest individuals in the country, and part of the 1% over night thanks to the Mega Millions lottery.

There’s so much craze due to the grand prize being so high, which has now gone up from 540 to 640 million dollars, making it the biggest US (and possibly world) lottery prize ever. Does that mean another 100 million dollars worth of tickets have been bought/sold within the last few days?

According to the information presented in this article, about $1.46 billion dollars worth of tickets have been bought/sold that has led to the $640 million sum. So, in other words, this whole lotto thing is a rip off, since everyone collectively has spent almost three times the amount of the prize and could have just given that money to each other. I don’t know how this whole lottery stuff works (i.e. how the money is divided, where it all goes, etc.) and I don’t care enough to research it. But I think it says a lot that people are willing to spend so much money on something so unlikely to pay out, instead of donating that same money elsewhere, where the money is very much needed (e.g.  their home, immediate communities, organizations, charities, etc.). I’m not judging, really I’m not.

I would never say it’s bad to buy one or as many lottery tickets as you may like, because it’s practically harmless, unless you break your own wallet trying to win. But I feel that if someone is meant to win, they’ll win whether they spend $1 or $100 or $1,000. Yes, theoretically your odds of winning increase with the more tickets you buy, but realistically your odds are so bad in the first place that it really makes little difference. Not to mention, there’s really no strategy of determining which numbers are more likely to be pulled out; if you win, it’s due to pure luck and faith and not because you’re smarter than everyone else in cracking the code.

One big concern of mine, because I’m such a thoughtful person (sarcasm), is what the winner will do with the money. At first I thought a much better idea would be to split the one $640 million prize to six-hundred-and-forty $1 million prizes. However, after further consideration, $1 million nowadays seems like pocket change, especially after taxes, and I think people are more likely to spend that little amount of money (sarcasm) purely on themselves, and not really consider helping and donating to those in need. This is purely my negative assumption of people, I’m sorry for that. Hopefully the winner will do great deeds with that large sum of money.

Anyways, I didn’t buy any lottery tickets. But, had I considered buying at least one ticket, these would have been my numbers: 2, 16, 24, 42, 56; 10 (FML if those turn out to be the numbers). Good luck to all!

The Bachelor/Bachelorette

Another season of The Bachelor is over, and of course the bachelor picked the one woman everyone tried to warn him about. I give them a few months…

Once upon a time, I’m a little embarrassed to say, I used to watch each season in its entirety. I stopped because I got tired of watching the same people be recycled from one season to another. It went something like this: one guy was the bachelor and had 25 women to choose from, one of the women he didn’t choose went on to be the new bachelorette with 25 men to choose from, one of the men she didn’t choose went on to be the new bachelor with 25 new women, and so on and so forth. This cycle has repeated itself about a dozen times now. Personally, I would prefer it if they chose a new person for each season that has no connection to the previous season(s).

Regardless, that’s not the main reason I stopped watching. I stopped watching because the show has lost its course. When it first began it was focused on giving people the opportunity to find a romantic match and a happily ever after. However as the years and seasons have gone by, the show has become more about stirring the drama, causing scandalous moments, and giving us the most shocking rose ceremony ever. Sure, everyone likes to watch juicy TV moments, but at some point these moments stop being tolerable, especially given the purpose of the show.

It’s difficult to take the show seriously when A) the people being selected are kind of cuckoo, B) there’s always the one contestant that comes in with a bad agenda, C) people can come and go as they like for a second chance, and D) the biggest one of them all, only one couple out of all the seasons has had a real success story. The show doesn’t really work anymore, so to speak, since people don’t stay together or engaged for much time. I think part of the problem is that all of the parties involved go into it convinced that they’re going to fall in love, so in that sense, the relationships are being forced.

Don’t get me wrong though, if they had a gay version of this show I would totally apply for it. In fact there has been at least one other dating show that was for the gay community, but that one was even more screwed up because it purposely inserted (no pun) three straight guys into the mix and made the gay bachelor think they were actually gay. But I digress. My point is, I’m jealous of the process and of the activities they get to do on The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Despite the drama, it looks like they have fun half of the time with all of the romantic dates, unique activities, traveling, exotic locations, and fantasy suites. For example, this past season I did manage to catch one episode where they got to hike up the Bay Bridge; that would be so cool to do!

Anyways, the individuals involved are not given a fair opportunity to find love anymore. The show is no longer as innocent and as honest as it used to be, and I’m surprised it’s still on the air. Producers, it’s time to go back to what this show used to be!

Partially Present

Photo taken from Flickr user: Robert S. Donovan

Leap day today, meaning we have a February 29th in our calendars. For a day meant to get everything in sync, it sure throws me off. Here are 29 questions I have:

  1. Why is leap day at the end of the second month of the year?
  2. Why not add leap day to the end of December?
  3. Why is February 2-3 days shorter than all other months?
  4. How did the Romans decide the structure of the calendar?
  5. Do we really need to worry about the Earth’s rotation over time?

Ok, I only have 5. What I’m really more concerned about though are the babies who will be given birth to today, since today will not exist for another four years. How do you handle having a birthday that can only be accurately celebrated every four years? It’s like counting your birthday in dog years, only that instead of 7 it’s 4.

I find it weird that we can have a day that only partially exists in our calendars. I say, either get rid of it or add it permanently, and just have fun with whatever seasonal changes occur over time.

Clothes Off

“To say something nice about yourself, this is the hardest thing in the world for people to do. They’d rather take their clothes off.” – Nancy Friday

To an extent I agree with this quote. In my opinion, saying something nice about ourselves is one of the hardest things to do, but not the hardest thing to do. It’s usually easier to let others say something nice about ourselves, as they notice our characteristics, good or bad, from an outside perspective.

Also, the setting in which we would be required to take our clothes off would have to have significant consideration. Would it be in our own home? Perfectly manageable. At someone else’s home? I’ve learned my lesson. In public? Highly unlikely for most.

Personally, I’d rather say something nice about myself before taking my clothes off (sarcasm).

Hi there! Wasn’t expecting you.

Photo taken from Flickr user: mediafury

So far in my time as a blogger, I have been posting quotes, music related content, and my thoughts on different topics, but nothing really personal. So I thought maybe it was time to share a story of mine.

Back when I wrote Pant-less Public Parade, I said:
“Have you ever been caught without your pants? I have, by accident. But that’s a story for another day…”

Well, the day has come.

I’m not sure if those who read the post thought I was kidding, because I wasn’t. I really have been caught without my pants on. Thankfully though, I was at least wearing underwear.

Allow me to recap.

The guy I dated for most of last year decided to cook for me one time (actually more than once, but I think this was the first time), or should I say cook with me, since I had to help. I honestly thought I would just show up and start eating. I was clearly mistaken. The preparation and process was fairly simple, and the food was delicious! This dinner was on a Saturday night.

This individual had a roommate, who was supposed to be gone for the weekend and was not expected to be back until late Sunday night or possibly Monday. Here I thought, “Perfect!” Sadly, I was, yet again, mistaken.

The following morning (Sunday), I was up early, as I usually am, and couldn’t fall back to sleep. At first, I had an agenda. Once that was completed, someone wanted to go back to sleep, and it wasn’t me. I thought “Fine, I’ll just get up and do the dishes.” There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Are you still keeping track of the number of times I’ve been mistaken? Tally is now at 3.

I get up to go get started with the dishes. Because I thought we would be alone, I didn’t think it was necessary to put anything on. After a second thought, I decided to at least wear underwear. I’m literally not even out there for a minute, before I hear the main door crack open. The small kitchen is practically the center of the whole apartment and is on the way to the roommate’s room. I was frozen on the spot.

Now, I’m not sure if the situation was more embarrassing for me because I hadn’t previously met the roommate and was out there by myself, or if maybe it would have been just as embarrassing had I already met him. Despite that, the roommate was not alone. They had their sister or friend or girlfriend with them. The more the merrier, I suppose. As they walk by me all I could think to say was “Hi. Sorry.” They walk by and kind of just nod but don’t say anything. Needless to say, I did not wash the dishes and instead went back to the bedroom to hide.

I should also mention that this guy had not told his roommate that he’s gay. So, as embarrassing as it was for me, I could eventually leave and get out of there, while this guy still had to address the obvious with his roommate. But from what I heard the roommate had no issues with anything.

In hindsight, this story is much more funny than embarrassing, and it really isn’t that crazy of a story. If I had been naked, then that would have made for a juicier story. Regardless, it was an awkward morning for me. Moral of the story: don’t offer to do the dishes OR make sure to wear more clothing if the person you’re dating has a roommate.

Parents, Drug Use, and Wacky Names

After reading these items (New Study: Bad Baby Names Ruin Lives and Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop) and hearing about Beyonce’s baby’s name (Blue Ivy), I was inspired to make a post about names. Specifically, the weird, funny, or my-parents-must-have-been-high-when-they-named-me names.

I’m trying to understand the thought process behind choosing a name for your child(ren). And I’ve come to the conclusion that people who choose wacky names must be under the influence of some sort of substance. That’s because no one in their right mind would name their children anything weird. If they had any sense at all, they would realize that a ridiculous name would set the child up to be teased and not be taken seriously. Who wants that for their children?

Well, apparently some celebrities do. I guess celebrity children never really get to live a normal life, so might as well have a non-normal name to go with it. In the image below are real names of some celebrity children (taken from here).