So far in my time as a blogger, I have been posting quotes, music related content, and my thoughts on different topics, but nothing really personal. So I thought maybe it was time to share a story of mine.
Back when I wrote Pant-less Public Parade, I said:
“Have you ever been caught without your pants? I have, by accident. But that’s a story for another day…”
Well, the day has come.
I’m not sure if those who read the post thought I was kidding, because I wasn’t. I really have been caught without my pants on. Thankfully though, I was at least wearing underwear.
Allow me to recap.
The guy I dated for most of last year decided to cook for me one time (actually more than once, but I think this was the first time), or should I say cook with me, since I had to help. I honestly thought I would just show up and start eating. I was clearly mistaken. The preparation and process was fairly simple, and the food was delicious! This dinner was on a Saturday night.
This individual had a roommate, who was supposed to be gone for the weekend and was not expected to be back until late Sunday night or possibly Monday. Here I thought, “Perfect!” Sadly, I was, yet again, mistaken.
The following morning (Sunday), I was up early, as I usually am, and couldn’t fall back to sleep. At first, I had an agenda. Once that was completed, someone wanted to go back to sleep, and it wasn’t me. I thought “Fine, I’ll just get up and do the dishes.” There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Are you still keeping track of the number of times I’ve been mistaken? Tally is now at 3.
I get up to go get started with the dishes. Because I thought we would be alone, I didn’t think it was necessary to put anything on. After a second thought, I decided to at least wear underwear. I’m literally not even out there for a minute, before I hear the main door crack open. The small kitchen is practically the center of the whole apartment and is on the way to the roommate’s room. I was frozen on the spot.
Now, I’m not sure if the situation was more embarrassing for me because I hadn’t previously met the roommate and was out there by myself, or if maybe it would have been just as embarrassing had I already met him. Despite that, the roommate was not alone. They had their sister or friend or girlfriend with them. The more the merrier, I suppose. As they walk by me all I could think to say was “Hi. Sorry.” They walk by and kind of just nod but don’t say anything. Needless to say, I did not wash the dishes and instead went back to the bedroom to hide.
I should also mention that this guy had not told his roommate that he’s gay. So, as embarrassing as it was for me, I could eventually leave and get out of there, while this guy still had to address the obvious with his roommate. But from what I heard the roommate had no issues with anything.
In hindsight, this story is much more funny than embarrassing, and it really isn’t that crazy of a story. If I had been naked, then that would have made for a juicier story. Regardless, it was an awkward morning for me. Moral of the story: don’t offer to do the dishes OR make sure to wear more clothing if the person you’re dating has a roommate.
Today marks the 27th year of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
Having a national holiday named after yourself does not come without reason. With a prominent role in attaining equal rights for African Americans, Martin Luther King, Jr. was the main figure of the Civil Rights Movement.
Despite having a non-violent approach, MLK Jr. was met with much violent resistance. And unfortunately, he was shot and killed in 1968 due to his strong and successful involvement. Sadly, this shows us that even non-violence begets more violence. The main reason for this, in my opinion, is because people, even today, roughly half a century after the movement, are constantly unwilling to accept others who are seemingly different than they are, when really we are all humans who long for the same things.
Martin Luther King, Jr. once stated,
“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”
Forming an opinion about others when we meet them, or sometimes even before we meet them, is an innate process. But retaining the same static opinion about them over time is a conscious choice due to our unwillingness to get to know them. So, what we can learn from MLK, Jr. is to have an open mind, interact, and, most importantly, approach each other with non-hostility. Doing this will, hopefully, prevent us from wanting to deny each other of the same rights and opportunities, and actually get along.
After reflecting over the past year, here is a list of things that I’ve come to realize. Some of them are pretty standard, and you might even think “You’re just now realizing that?” But yes, I’m just now willing to accept these points.
- You shouldn’t say “no” until you’ve tried it.
We’ve likely said “no” to something before even giving it a fair shot to win us over. I’ve been saying “no” to sushi for the longest time because I’m not a fan of seafood. However, last year I finally tried it and loved it. This also extends to my next point: dating. Unless you’re clearly not feeling it, don’t say “no” to someone until you give them a chance. Point is: try everything once, or almost everything, because you might actually like it.
- Dating is not always fun.
As a whole, dating can be enjoyable and refreshing as you get to meet and interact with different types of people. Being single and being able to date around is great, but that can only go on for so long. At some point in the dating process, the fun goes away. Specifically, when the person you are on a date with is not someone you wish to pursue further and you need to let them know. Point is: it is never fun to turn someone down or to get turned down, but it has to happen.
- “Let’s just be friends” is not as easy as I thought.
Before this past year I thought you could date someone and be able to remain friends if things didn’t work out romantically. After this past year, I’ve come to realize that you can’t force a friendship that wasn’t there in the first place. Sometimes people are too hurt, too full of pride, or too emotionally invested to keep in touch and be able to offer a no strings attached friendship. Point is: it is not necessary to remain friends with everyone you date.
- Ask no more than twice and move on.
A no, is a no, is a no, is a no. How many times do you need to hear “no” before you finally accept it? Hopefully, it is no more than twice. My rule is to ask two times just to make sure, but after that the answer is very unlikely to get any better. Sometimes you might bug someone enough where they finally give in, but it’s probably just to shut you up. Point is: don’t waste time asking for something that is not going to happen from a genuine place.
- If you don’t speak up for yourself, no one will.
Something happened last year that made me speak up a lot more, and I’m not sure what, or why. Suddenly, I’m less likely to keep quiet about something I have in mind. Whether that something is good or not, people need to know where you stand. Point is: make your feelings, opinions, and thoughts be known.
- Not everything inside of you has to come out.
This one is an extension of speaking up. While you can’t control what you think or feel, you can control what you say or do. You need to know when and where you can react, and in some instances it’s simply better not to react. And even if probed, you need to find a good approach when you’re answering. Point is: figure out when you should and shouldn’t hold things back.
- It’s impossible to have control over everything.
This one is a tough one for me. Point is: you can’t have a say in everything, so let it go.
- Just because you don’t have it all, doesn’t mean you don’t have something.
Very few of us have it all. Most of us still have a long wish list in life. And while being ambitious and hopeful for the future is important, it’s just as important to be thankful for what we have in the present. For every wish you make for something you don’t have, you should take a moment to reflect on something you already do have. Point is: it’s likely you have something that others wish they had.
- High expectations lead to high disappointments.
It’s important to make high expectations, but even more important to know your height restrictions. Being realistic does not equate to being pessimistic. Nothing comes to mind more than the never-was-iPhone 5, aka iPhone 4S. Consumers made an opulent mental image of what they expected to see in the new phone. When they didn’t get that, they were highly frustrated and disappointed; that was their own fault. Point is: make realistic expectations.
- The future does not always rely on the past.
This one is a tricky one. While I believe that it’s necessary to consider things that have occurred in the past to better navigate through the future, it’s not always necessary. Sometimes we get too stuck in the past, that it can hurt what we think is possible for the future. We need to learn from experiences but at the end of the day the circumstances are never exactly the same in two separate situations. Point is: go with the flow and tackle things as they come to you.
- People are not getting any younger.
I know, this is an obvious one. But it stems from reflecting on my own family members. My parents are not as young and healthy as I remember them growing up and my brother is no longer the baby/toddler I can just pick up and carry. My problem is I tend to make a static image of people in my life from years before. But reality is, people grow old(er) and change, so the image you have of them has to constantly change as well. Point is: take time to re-figure the people in your life.
Bonus for 2012:
Speed bumps are meant to slow you down, not stop you.
Even if you don’t know where you’re going, as long as you keep moving you will eventually get somewhere. Point is: don’t pull over because your lane is going slow, simply keep going.