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There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask…

Photo taken from Flickr user: alexanderdrachmann

Questions we pose in our mind are a tricky thing. Tricky because we (translation: I) might start to over think them, if we don’t yet have an actual answer.

Personally, I like to have answers for everything in order to get clarity in a scenario, but I do not like asking for those answers. Part of the reason is because I’m not always ready to hear the answer, so instead I decide to keep my mouth shut, which usually leads to my over thinking, which sometimes isn’t so healthy…

When someone finally musters up the courage to ask away, they need to be prepared to hear just about any answer, positive or negative, conclusive or open ended, direct or indirect, truthful or not. Here’s the problem, people might just be looking to hear one particular answer. And chances are if we’ve been juggling around possible answers in our head, once we hear the “real” answer we might doubt, disbelieve, and/or reject it if it wasn’t the one we were expecting or hoping for.

Is it always necessary to dig for an answer? I think no. We can afford to leave some things unknown and leave some things unsaid. However, there are times when we need an answer in order to move forward with something or to let our minds rest in peace, it’s just a matter of determining when this is the case.

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Why Are You Still Single?

Photo taken from Flickr user: Lel4nd

The Question
Why do people, usually a potential date, ask this in the first place?

On the surface, it’s a compliment, I guess, because this person is essentially saying you seem like a good catch, but deep down it’s really a pointless question to ask. The fact remains that people in general, whether young or old, are single at different times in their life. It happens, so instead of asking why, take advantage of someone’s singleness. Also, depending on who it’s coming from, the question might actually be an insult, as in saying “What’s wrong with you, why does no one want to be with you?”

I’ve gotten this question myself quite a few times. The first couple of times I was taken off guard and didn’t exactly know what to answer. But since then I have prepared a safe answer for it, which leads me to…

The Answer
There are an array of reasons why someone could be single, ranging from obvious reasons to it’s better not to know reasons. But really, why would you be single? Obviously you’re not going to put yourself down and disclose your negative characteristics, instead you might say:

  1. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
  2. “I don’t feel ready for a relationship at the moment.”
  3. “I don’t have time for a relationship.”    or
    “I’m way too busy to be in a relationship.”
  4. “I’m casually dating multiple people, and don’t want to settle down with one.”
  5. “I’m not the dating type.”

But no matter what, I think the universal safe answer for anyone and everyone is: “I just haven’t met the right person yet.”

Perhaps 50% of the time it’s not that we’re not mentally ready or willing to date, it’s simply that we haven’t met someone who we find to be not just a good catch, but also a good match. The other 50%, let’s face it, it’s that we are difficulty, greedy, and picky… or is that just me? I digress.

I think that if we met someone who we like head over heels, and from head to heels, we would probably do everything possible to make it work no matter what, and if the timing is right, then everything should fall into place. In other cases, if there’s any doubt in either our attraction or compatibility to someone, we might make up an excuse for why we can’t keep seeing them or why we can’t be official.

The tricky part in all of this is finding that person who we find worthy of consuming our time, of requiring our attention, and, ultimately, of suffering for. In the meantime, you should avoid asking this question to anyone you’re dating or are trying to date. Just a suggestion…

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

How The Heck Does Group Texting Work?

I don't know why I apologized... but I'm glad person #2 understood what I was talking about.

When a group text message is sent out, it’s my understanding that everyone in that group can see the other recipients’ phone numbers and get the subsequent replies that are sent. Or can they? Cue suspenseful music…

Something as simple as a text becomes very complicated when you decide to send it to a group of people. Part of that complication has to do with the phone operating software (Android, Blackberry OS, iOS, Windows, etc.), phone types and brand (smart and non-smart phones; Apple, HTC, Motorola, Samsung, etc.), and even the phone carrier (AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile), as each combination of these three will handle and display the text information differently.

I know that on an iPhone (my phone model) all of the recipients show at the top. But I wonder if this is the case for non-iPhone users since most of the time when someone other than the sender gets my reply, they don’t usually make the connection and will ask me “Who is this?” Also, I personally don’t always get the replies from everyone when they respond to the group text message. Unless they’re not replying? Though, that seems highly unlikely.

Sometimes it’s convenient to send a group text, say, if you want to plan a get together with friends or want to share the exact same piece of information with multiple people. But consider the following:

  • Arrange your social groups.
    You have your core group of friends, your coworkers, your classmates, your family members, your whatever. Depending on the topic you want to text about, you should know which group of people needs to hear what, and in which manner. You probably wouldn’t use the same words/phrases/etc. with each of these groups.
  • Do not group people who don’t know each other or don’t like each other.
    This is to avoid any tense situations or any like the ones from my picture above. In some cases, someone might reply with something that not everyone else will tolerate or find nice. In other cases, someone might not respond to the text if they know who else might be getting it.
  • Start a new message.
    If you find yourself receiving a group text and you don’t recognize any of the numbers included, then simply start a new message with just the original sender to avoid any confusion.

Group texting is appealing in theory, but really it’s not all that much more efficient than one-on-one texting, especially if everyone has different phone models, operating software, and carriers. I don’t understand how it all works, so I just find it safer not to do it!

Off Limits?

Photo taken from Flickr user: alancleaver_2000

Have you ever dated someone who exposed you to a new place that had some sort of significance for the two of you and then you stopped seeing each other? The problem is you liked that particular place and wish to continue going, but in a way it feels a little wrong to still go without them… just a little bit. After all, if it weren’t for them, you might not have learned about or discovered this place.

Depending on the type of break-up (amicable, doubtful, non-existent, or unpleasant), you’ll know whether running into this ex is manageable for you (or not) and whether it would be awkward (or not). If amicable (i.e. remained friendly and on speaking terms), then there would be no problem having to see this person again. If unpleasant (i.e. it was nasty and you hate each other), then presumably the last thing you would want is to have to see this person again. In those two cases, it’s easy to make a decision. However, if the break-up was doubtful (i.e. you weren’t sure if you should break up) or non-existent (i.e. one of you just disappeared on the other), then running into them would be somewhat tense and awkward but not the worst thing in the world. So, should you take the risk of running into them and continue going to this location?

Some things to consider:

  1. How much did both of you like the place?
    If you or they liked it, then certainly either of you will want to go again. If neither of you liked it, then avoiding it will be fairly easy.
  2. What kind of place is it?
    A one-of-a-kind, a difficult-to-find, or an off-the-wall place complicates things. In my opinion, the more unique the place is the more memorable and/or notable it is for a certain aspect, which was probably the reason why you two went in the first place. A city staple, a franchise-type business, or a well known site may still have some significance, but it’s probably too common and/or popular to make it that much more individually significant.
  3. Where is the place located? Size of it?
    A place closer to you is good. A place closer to them is not so good. A place in between both of you or away from both of you is open to interpretation. Size matters too, a larger location is better than a smaller space as it gives you more area to disperse in (e.g. Pier 39 in San Francisco vs. a small intimate restaurant).
  4. Why are you going? Length of visit?
    Going because you have to for whatever reason that may be (e.g. errand related, school related, work related, etc) cannot be avoided. However, going because you want to (e.g. date related, fun related, tour related, etc) can be avoided, and may be a smarter route to take. Whichever the case, the amount of time you spend there will also matter; the quicker you get out, the better.
  5. Who are you going with?
    If you’re going alone, there’s not much to worry about. If you’re going with friends, then that seems safe enough. But going with a new date? That would make a potential run-in extremely uncomfortable.

Each of our individual circumstances will give these questions different answers and values. What’s most important is to know whether you can handle seeing this person and to have an idea on how the encounter could transpire. And of course, not every place you ever went to with your ex will have to be evaluated. Here I’m strictly referring to those places that: saw you two share nice moments, hold some level of significance for both of you, and became one of your go-to-spots.

Why am I writing about this? I recently went to a place that I like a lot (an ice cream sandwich shop called C.R.E.A.M.) that someone I dated last year took me to. It was the first time I had gone since ending things with this person (about 3 months ago), and I only went because I was in the area that day and had been desiring one of their sandwiches. While I was there, of course, I remembered the times we had previously gone together and it just felt weird to be there again. Naturally, there is an association between the person and the place, even if you have moved on. So it got me thinking on whether I should still be going there, hence this post.